Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
She just used a chaser for red wine.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
