When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
