I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
