too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
