i jhust puked up my retainher.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize