When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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