god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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