So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
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