his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
