My sheets look like a crime scene.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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