i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
