My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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