haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
You can't special order awesome
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
