Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
