Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
