Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
