i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
found the other keg... it's in the tree
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My day in three words: secret purse cake
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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