youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
