There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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