He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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