i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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