I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
