so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
