fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
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there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
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So much Jack, so little girl.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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