umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
