I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
