Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
