i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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