Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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