Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
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