So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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