THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
