I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Why are your pants in the freezer?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
