As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
