You tried to poop in the sink last night.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize