I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
