(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
