there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
