Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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