What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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