You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
cat food counts as protein by the way
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
