So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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