The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
