Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
