Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I will die if light touches me.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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