I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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