Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
