Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
