I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
birth control should be required to get into college
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
