Your dad touched me again.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize