Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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