if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
