i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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