i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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