Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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