My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
