This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
