I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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