dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
