You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
