i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
