just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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