when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
