I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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