True but thats because hes a fetus.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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