I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I think I just sharted jello shots
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