the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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